Wednesday – 8.27.08
I journey to meet my spirit guides.
I walk around the World Tree and it is covered in red and green flowers and bark. It’s a bulbous tree and I am soon overwhelmed by its immensity as I look upwards. It is both sunset and sunrise all over the sky. I walk barefoot along the Tree’s roots. After stating my intention, a cellar door opens at the base of the tree and I slide down a dark spiral till I fall into a shallow muddy puddle. I feel handles beneath me, opening to a metal cellar (the other one was wooden) and I fall for a long time and, eventually, fall through a hole in the sky, hitting a desert where a LARGE tortoise sits. Ze tells me to follow hir to my spirit guides.
I shapeshift into a tortoise as large as the one leading me. We slowly walk through the desert and I am aware that this is the perfect pace for my nature at the time. The sun is beating hot and I feel the urge to climb out of my shell, though part of me fears the searing sun, not exactly sure of what a tortoise’s skin beneath its shell looks like or how vulnerable it is. All of a sudden, I see a woman in white and a man in a dark hooded shroud standing next to one another on a sandy cliff. I approach them and ask them if they ar my spirit guides. The woman says no and the man says yes.
The woman tells me her name is Maria and that she is one of my ancestors. Ths spirit guide tells me that his name is Zechariah. The woman takes me for a walk.
I hold her hand, paler than I’d expected, and wonder about her ethnicity. She has long brown flowing hair an a white lace dress on. She tells me that she was worried about me and that she’s come to rescue me from impending doom. She says that I am stubborn and do not follow my life path and listen to my spirit guides. She tells me to go speak to Zechariah. I ask her if I will ever see her again and her answer is ambivalent.
I approach Zechariah, who I remember from the first time I’d met hm some years back. I inquire about his face. He pulls back his hood slightly and I quickly realize that I do not want to see anything further. We walk and talk.
He tells me that I need to follow my life path and that this Performance Studies stuff is bullshit. He tells me that I want to heal the the world and that requires a different set of skills. I know what he means and consider how theory-oriented Performance Studies is an how, even though I’m crazy interested in it, books and academia are not practice and do not heal. Herbs, energy healing, and music all come to mind as important avenues for me, as do my theatrical presence and desire to counsel, my need to travel the world and meet different kinds of people. I need to focus on the tools that aid me in my healing work.
I ask him what I should do about my insecurities concerning shamanic journeying and he quickly says “get over it”.
He says I need to get myself apart from my friend group more to “forge my own path and own my power”. I ask him if I have any other spirit guides and he tells me that he is the only one who’d chosen me.
I ask him what to do about money and he tells me to increase my wealth by working with what I already have. “By investing it?” and he replies affirmatively. I tell him that the stock market is in the worst shape it’s been in in a long time and he says “so what?” and shows me his skeleton face. He wants me to stop questioning him so much and to trust him. I ask him what I could do more immediately for money and he says I should do spells for abundance. To save money, I should think “burgundy, deep reds, root chakra, security, and SAVING”. That when I receive money, I should literally sit on it.
Before leaving he, tells me again to “forge my own path and own my power”. A large falcon swoops down from the sky and picks me up in its beak. It lets me go and behind me I hear and feel monstrous things. I turn around to see a volcano spewing lava and fire with a mouth made of these substances and coming for me. From above, Zechariah tells me these are my fears. I ask him if he’ll help me out when I’m ready to conquer them. I tell him that I need his help because I eventually wanted to confront my Shadows, heal my wounded inner child, etc. He tells me he’ll be there. I ask him if it was a good time for me to ritualistically sever my connections with past lovers and he says “yes and no”. That if I wanted to forge my own path and own my power, then yes.
I escape back to waking consciousness.
