sick

sometimes i feel like they hate me
because i know things won’t be good
until the lessons are learned
and the ceremonies are done
until i weep in new ways
and reach further than i can grasp

both doubt and belief make me think i’m insane
they nod and say
“this is the road they all go down”

it’s that the becoming is so loud
and so necessary
for everyone involved

and at this point
i’m more afraid of pain
than even rationally acceptable

can’t shake the gaps between the anomalies
the dreaming turned waking too much to bear
and the omen after omen
after shudder